heres and theres

Kirbymorphosis
When you have time to stare at your baby at close range, you notice every little thing. And it seems like a lot changes in between feedings, really...Was that bump there a few hours ago? When did he scratch himself? I don't remember his head being that flaky. I think his eyes are turning blue...Oh look, he has eyelashes now! It's amazing how quickly he's changing. His pictures this week look very different from just a couple of weeks ago. Fascinating.

You've got something on your face there.

Occasionally while nursing Kirby I'll get a bit distracted -- sleep deprivation at its finest -- or I'll multitask a bit and do things like have a snack or check my email on my Ipod Touch. Today I was eating some fresh cherries while nursing him. I popped one in my mouth and turned to say something to him and splattered his little face with cherry juice. It didn't faze him at all, but I'm glad I was paying attention, or I would have wondered where all the blood had come from. He looked like he was ready for a zombie Halloween costume.

The Good Latch

It sounds like a movie title, doesn't it? Well, I'll tell you what -- it's a film I'd like to see. We're doing something right because this boy has gained over 2 pounds since we brought him home 4 weeks ago, but man do the feedings take awhile. Poor tatas. I'm constantly scoring breastfeeding info during and in between feedings. Just when I think I've got it, the next nursing session is a disaster. Again, he's gaining and peeing and pooing like a champ, so I'll try to relax a little. I had no idea I was capable of so much anxiety.

Doody Duty
Changing diapers has become a scientific endeavor, especially with this little boy. It's a dance we do every time to see if we (okay, maybe just me) can keep him calm and get it done. Every once in awhile he could care less and just lies there, but mostly he is sounding the alarm that There are intruders in the house! The stock market just crashed! We are out of sandwich bread again! I feel almost like one of those pit guys in a Nascar race...alright, Kirby's pulling in, be ready to change that tire, dammit, or this could cost us the race! I've found that I make up my worst songs during the diaper change. No rhyme or rhythm, just nonsense. Hey, whatever works.

Did he just say "Raaaaaaaaanch?"
I know, I know, everyone's baby is a genius, but mine already knows how to ask for the house salad dressing. He also calls sheep, makes machine gun sounds, and communicates with wookies. And he loves to make this face:

Such a funny guy already...I cannot wait to hear him laugh.

Smitten

The soft silky hair on his shoulders.
The smiles that seem like a response to my words.
The boxing routine before he eats.
The little series of sneezes that are like mine.
The foot that is as long as my finger.
The squeaks and coos and ooos and ohs.
The tranquility he seems to feel outside on the porch.
The strawberry color when the light reflects on his hair.
The lightening around his pupils.
The ferocity of his cry during a diaper change.
The way he escapes from his swaddle so quickly.
The million little expressions in a matter of minutes.
The way his little hand grips my thumb while he eats.











Kirby's due date was yesterday and he weighed 7lbs, 2oz and was 20.5" long. My growing baby boy.

Did you notice?

Did you feel it, too? I'm pretty sure the world shifted on its axis ever so slightly. I think the tides rolled a little more fluidly, the stars sparkled a little brighter, the breeze caressed my skin a little gentler. The leaves on the trees are a little greener, the sky a more brilliant blue. The universe I gratefully embrace has hugged back.

My baby boy -- yes, BOY -- decided he was ready to fish early, just like his daddy. Kirby Armstrong arrived on the summer solstice, June 21 at 1:49 am. The heavens have packed more love than I could have ever imagined into 5 lbs, 15 oz and 19 inches of beautiful baby boy.

We are never again to see the world the same. The greatest sight our eyes have ever seen is here and we are so humbled, so blessed and so unfathomably in love.

Welcome, sweet baby Kirby. I could not in a million years have dreamed of anything more stellar than you.

28 days

Dear JJ,
There aren't words that can adequately express what I want to say to you right now, so I'll go with what I can articulate. At the moment, you are thump-thump-thumping under my right rib cage. The doctor tells me we are on schedule and you might weigh around 6.5 pounds about now. I can't get over what a miracle that is. You were just a sparkly thought in my imagination a mere 8 months ago. Now you are more of a spark plug, energizing my day with your thumpity-thumps.

I imagine your squishy little legs and teeny toes wiggling and squiggling around in the belly ship. I giggle when you get the hiccups. I wonder about your little face, and if you have hair on your head, and if you'll get my ears or your dad's (he's hoping for his as he doesn't fully appreciate the quirkiness of mine). I hope your delivery into this world goes smoothly so that the first thing I can do is hold you and absorb your every feature and revel in the wonder that is you.

It's exciting and scary to think about being your mother. I am terrified of failing you, but I know that I am going to do the best that I can to make sure your every moment on this earth is filled with love and wonder and joy. I can't wait to figure out ways to make you laugh...you will hear lots of silly songs and rhymes from me. It might even embarrass you someday, or you may get my silly sense of humor and play along. I can't wait for you to meet your daddy...you are already his dream come true. Your extended family can't wait to meet you, too. We hope that Ollie will be as good with you as he is with the other little people who've visited our home. He's already quite fond of your room and can be found in there often, faced towards your crib. It makes me very happy.

For now, little kicker, snuggle in and rest. You've got a lot of growing to do. I will try to keep the camera out of your face every once in awhile, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be hard to do...it's not every day that all of the magic in the universe gets packed into one location.

Love, your mom

time warp

Has it been nearly a month since my last post? Because I no longer have a decent concept of time...for instance, when I started writing this post, I was due in 7 weeks. Now I've less than 6 to go. Whew!

When it's 6 weeks until your vacation, it's an eternity. When it's 6 weeks until you are giving birth to a human who will alter your life permanently, it's less than a millisecond. I'm baffled that this pregnancy has suddenly seemed to fly by, and a little sad. I feel very blessed that it's been mostly smooth sailing.  I had to get a 3-hour glucose screening to determine if I had gestational diabetes recently, and that worried my sandals off. Thankfully, I do not. Heartburn has really been my worst "side effect" and the occasional sleepless night has as much to do with me as my belly bundle. I've never been a good sleeper, so I hope that will be to my benefit and not a trait my child gets. On Saturday, I discovered my first stretch mark that popped up on a belly scar that never healed correctly, and my right foot has been swollen. Yes, just the right one. With it's nice greenish hue, it looks a little like it belongs to the Incredible Hulk. All in all, these are truly minor side effects. I am so thankful.

A couple of weeks ago, we went to the beach in Alabama and the waters had not been affected by the oil spill. In fact, it might have been the cleanest I've seen it in years. There was a lot of patrolling of volunteers, wildlife officers and conservation groups. The oil sheen has officially hit that area now. Heartbreaking. I was hoping the coast would not be affected and changed by this catastrophe. It does make one consider that we should all be making changes to reduce our dependency on oil. It is so much more than just what we're putting in our cars.

Speaking of change, I do have a dull sense of panic about the life changes coming soon. I'm also really excited to meet this little kung fu master who's favorite spot is up and to the right of my belly button. I was laughing to myself thinking I wonder what I'll do if this baby is right-handed...we are both left-handed. I think the dogboy might even be left-pawed. How are we going to be able to show it how to do anything? I suppose this ranks pretty low on the list of important things, but it's funny to think about anyway. It reminds me of the Shel Silverstein poem Backward Bill for some reason. Yes, that's how my brain works.

We've just had a lovely weekend hosting our Texas friends that I call our HoneyBuddies...we met them on our honeymoon in Puerto Rico. They were married a week before us and we had so much fun together that we've made an effort to get together every year since. It's been an extra special weekend because they brought their 8-month old son with them this time...and he is nearly perfect. I rubbed his little hands all over our nursery so that his good baby vibe will rub off on ours when he/she arrives. It's fun that we are nearly on the same life schedule with these friends and that future vacations will give our kids the chance to play together.

It's time for a nap...something I'm getting a little better at for now, as my energy level is diminishing as quickly as my ability to touch my feet. Again, if you see my feet, say hello. And try not to stare at the Hulk toes.

Things on the brain

The oil spill/leak/catastrophe. Grrr to the Nth degree.
Nashville flood. Hoping my friends and anyone affected by it are okay.
Tidal waves. Watching a ripple move across the top of my belly is so alien.
Foreign countries. Always pondering what the world is like somewhere else.
Drama Queen. My dogboy has become quite the little diva. It's bizarre and yet funny.
The mask of pregnancy. I'm trying to figure out how to turn this phrase into a Halloween costume.
My friends fighting cancer. Thinking about them everyday.
Episiotomy. Simply terrified and trying to put it in perspective of what my friends are facing.
Gardening. Wondering what it'll take to figure out how to grow a radish.
Labor. Focusing on the energy I feel looking at the night sky at the beach might be my key to calmness.
Family and friends. I am crazy blessed by them, especially my husband.
Peanut Butter M&Ms. I suppose this qualifies as my "craving".
Time. When did it start fast-forwarding?
My feet. If you see them, say hello.

Soundtracks

There's something very exciting about hearing a new song and going, Wow, I cannot wait to hear that again!

So you go and download it and proceed to wear the heck out of the |<< button [what's that called these days?! Rewind? Playback?] until you've memorized all the lyrics and maybe even made up a suave dance move or two to your favorite part. I can barely hear this song right now without my eyes watering... maybe it's hormone overload. Maybe it's just one of those songs that tingles my happy circuits on a cellular level. Maybe it's this part of the lyrics that nearly turns me inside out and puts a lump in my throat:

'Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life
You pull me closer to love

I've mentioned before about my anticipation of a baby's arrival...it's suddenly hard to imagine what your life was like before that little person showed up. I was never the girl who dreamed of having kids and what I'd name them and how I'd dress them and fantasize about the things we'd do. I was good either way. I met the right guy and that changed, but even still, we did not take for granted that it might not happen naturally for us. And we knew fertility treatments weren't our bag...it only took seeing Kate Gosselin's saran-wrapped belly in the intro of that tv show to have us running and screaming. Adoption would be our back-up plan if necessary. Fast forward to today, which is 77 days from our due date. Could be more, could be less, but we are definitely getting closer to love by the second. Two tickets to Tingletown, please.

Good googly, it IS hormone overload! I'm getting all mush magoosh up in here. So let's get back to the subject: soundtracks. We made a wedding soundtrack cd as a gift to our guests (which we still have a plethora of if you'd like one). And I don't know about you, but there's plenty of songs that mark points in my life... they may or may not have been monumental but they sure felt that way at the time. The rewind button was concave on my cassette player. I like to think they are part of my life soundtrack thus far...here's an incomplete list of these songs, with a little background on why they made the mix:

Swingin' on a Star by my mom (and supposedly Bing Crosby)
My mom used to sing this to me, and I always loved where she'd put extra inflections. For the longest I thought she'd made it up. She is that clever, so it was entirely possible.

What I Am by Edie Brickell
Because of the lyric, Religion is a smile on a dog, my friend's mother thought it was "devil music" and said I was not allowed to listen to it in her house. I was all, wha...huh?!? and then, of course, I loved it even more since an adult said it was bad.

We're Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister
My brother loved the heavy metal hair bands, and I loved whatever my brother loved. Especially the big-blonde-haired scary man with all the make-up. Heeby-jeeby, that was good stuff. Rock on, Dee Snider.

Picking Out a Thermos by Steve Martin
I don't know when I first saw The Jerk, but it is my favorite movie of all time. That's all.

Mandolin Rain by Bruce Hornsby and the Range
Ohhh, the anticipation of the last song of the night at the ice rink...the COUPLE SKATE song. I could do a whole post on that nonsense...wait 'til we can have a beer again together and I'll re-live it for you. At any rate, this song + 7th grade boyfriend + skating while holding hands in public...oh. my. gaw. It was the real deal. Plus, I loved Bruce before he was cool, at least in my hometown. He would have been on my pillowcase before NKOTB.

Here's a Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares) by Travis Tritt
My first foray into country music that I can remember...roughly 10th grade? Whew. It was bad country, and, I'm pretty sure, boyfriend-induced as well. Anyway, the lyrics were funny. I can't wait to tell JJ about those things called pay phones. And mullets.

There's plenty more, but the list is deep and the stories shallow. Besides, I need to get to work on the baby soundtrack. Along with the Mat Kearney tune, these have been on the replay mix lately: New Shoes, I Don't Know A Thing, Chasing Pirates, Boom Boom Clap, Ice Cream...just to name a few. They may have a metaphor hidden in them about my pregnancy or the baby, and they may just be what are making my ears dance right now. But it's very fun to put together tunes that I can someday tell my little person were on his/her replay list while still in the belly ship. And maybe by then it won't matter what the rewind button is called.