Trifecta

My husband loves a good Trifecta. It's one of those words he uses a lot if it's remotely relevant to the three-whatever things that just happened or are lying around. For instance, at night I have a Nightlight Trifecta. These are the three aids that help me keep the diaper change a low-profile event:

I've named them Moony, Smiles and Slugo, respectively. They are my late night pals, and I talk to them as much as I talk to Kirby. Smiles is especially positive when the diaper goes to the dumps. It just so happens I got the Diaper Tinkle Trifecta, and then some.  Somehow with the diaper changes, I'm the one who gets peed on. Jerry gets pood on, so I guess I should be thankful I'm getting the front end. I'm still developing my technique:

1. Lay Kirby down and tell him how fun the next few minutes are going to be. Queue ridiculous song.
2. Have a cloth ready to cover his front goods. 
3. Undo the diaper -- WAIT -- give him a moment to shoot as he feels the full air. 
4. Maintain ridiculous song.
5. Quickly grab ankles, pull diaper back, slide cloth in place over his goods...whew. So far so good.
6. Keep ankles up, one pinky finger on the cloth to keep it in place, slide dirty D off and fold it over underneath his bum.
7. Take care of cleanup with the other hand.
8. Maintain ridiculous song.
9. Pat dry with another cloth to keep diaper rash down.
10. Slide other diaper in place.
11. Quickly remove cloth, aim his goods down, seal the diaper deal.
12. Maintain ridiculous song while kissing his little feet and telling him what a champ he is.

Well, at 3:50 pm on July 23, Kirby had a monster diaper of pee and poo, and my technique had holes. Before I knew it, I was getting peed on from a sneakaround sidestream. Quick, cloth! Not quick enough, but not too bad. So I figure he's already gone, the cloth is soaked, we don't need this anymore. Wrong. A moment later a second stream comes shooting at my chest. WHOA! Quick, another cloth! He got me pretty good that time. At this moment Kirby spits up (blerks) over his left shoulder. Sigh. Allright, we'll definitely be having that bath sooner. And doing laundry, since I'm now out of pee cloths.

I'm finishing up with the backside cleanup when STREAM #3 shoots high and hits him right in the head -- and into his right ear. Ear puddle... AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! So now I've not only been peed on twice, now he's got pee in his head. Oh my goggles... How did I let that happen?! I'm frantically tilting his head back to the right to dump the pee, which sends the blerk running down his left cheek. 

At this moment the pediatrician's nurse returns my morning call regarding the green gook that's coming out of his right eye. She's telling me to apply a warm compress and if it's not better in the morning to bring him in. Gook, schmook...I'm no longer concerned about the green gook -- I'm now concerned that he's got pee in his ear. So I tell her my dilemna. She laughs kindly and tells me it's fine, that urine is very sterile, and I just need to sit him up and rub a warm wet washcloth down his ear. And that when I'm done, I need to document the event in his baby book.

This was one of the few times Kirby was fairly content during the diaper change. Just peeing and blerking his little heart out, I suppose, because he was pretty relaxed. Especially since he kept tinkling up the scene in perfect Trifecta form.

And Smiles just grinned at me the whole time. I guess it is pretty funny now. Still, I'll work a little harder on my technique. And next time wear a raincoat, just in case.