I get a weekly email from a site called babycenter.com that lets me know approximately what JJ is up to in there. It includes development stages and average growth stats, and the description of the baby's current size is often expressed in terms of food. Because we all know food, right? Well, I don't get it exactly...one week I had a spaghetti squash and the next a large mango. That seems a bit backwards to me, but maybe I've never had a really large mango.
According to this week's news, JJ is as long as an ear of corn, and my lady bits are the size of a soccer ball. Weldam, that's just plain funny. I was already estimating a basketball or better, but I can go with soccer ball. That would explain JJ's impressions of Pelé.
This past Christmas, I was trying to figure out a clever way to break the baby news to my family. I made a list of all the metaphors I knew for pregnancy that I could perhaps put a creative twist on. The list went like this:
1. Bun in the oven -- put a dinner roll in everyone's stocking!! HA HA HA!
2. ???
Even after a Google search, that was the only metaphor I could find. I had a vision of Ollie taking out the stockings before the big reveal (think Bumpus dogs and the turkey in A Christmas Story), so the roll-in-the-stocking idea was quickly nixed. It would have required an explanation anyway, and probably ended up in a strange debate on how a roll is not a bun.
I went with another reveal that ended up being just as effective as the roll-in-the-stocking idea, but I won't bore anyone with that story (let's just say the lottery scratch tickets we gave everyone proved to be too great a distraction). Instead, I'll share a few of the metaphors that I made up for pregnancy:
1. Bat in the cave
2. Fox in the hole
3. Pearl in the oyster
4. Canary in the mine
5. Fish in the whale
I thought I might give each family member one of these as a drawing and let them figure out what it meant. They would have been cute drawings, but they just didn't seem to have the same happy connotation that bun in the oven does. Maybe that's why it's the only pregnancy metaphor that makes the Google charts. And I just don't see corn in the soccer ball becoming a common expression for momma's condition, but if JJ is anything like his/her momma, then a little cornball isn't a metaphor after all.
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