Choosing a good beverage

Some people love the taste of NO. They sip it like fine wine, swirl it around their gums and teeth, lick their lips excessively, savor it for hours on end. To them, it is a delicious glass of drunken power that, ironically enough, is always at least half full and ready to party.

I have a coworker who savors that flavor, with whom many a conversation seem to require delicate negotiations and an act of Congress. We'll call this person Piddles McDeebag. Today Piddles spilled a big ole' glass of NO before I could even finish the question. I'd like to say this was a first, but it wasn't. I stumbled for a moment, amended the question at hand and was again interrupted with a sloshing NO. It reminded me of that Austin Powers movie when Dr. Evil is repeatedly interrupting his son with shushes..."Knock knock. Who's there? Shh! Even before you start. That was a preemptive Shh! I've got a whole bag of Shh with your name on it!"

That was funny. This was not.

I almost hung up on Piddles, a practice I try to avoid because I think it is ru-u-ude. I'm pretty sure it's unprofessional, too. But I was so aggravated that Piddles belched a NO before hearing me out. Not cool, Piddles, not cool. I feel like I'm a fairly patient person, with a high tolerance for absurdities, be they funny or not. But I don't do negative people very well. I've always been very sensitive to other people's energy and will find my otherwise collected self suddenly scrambling to get away from Piddlesque peeps. But today, I felt horns sprout from my head, such was my desire to slam the phone down. Take that, Piddles!

Then I heard my mom's voice in my head: don't stoop to their level. Fiddlesticks. So, I didn't. I kept my cool, finished the 'conversation' and griped to myself for a few minutes. Then I reached for one of my favorite beverages: Seth Rogen's laugh. Boy howdy, did I chug. Gulpity gulp gulp.

And you know what? When Piddles' name later showed up on the caller ID, I didn't answer. You know why? Because I already drank Piddles under the table [burp].